Tell these down your local feminist bar and be one of the crowd
<OL>
<LI>What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt?  A pussy is warm and moist.<BR>
A cunt is what owns it.</LI>
<LI>What's a clitoris?<BR>A female hood ornament.</LI>
<LI>What's the only bad thing about the 69 position?<BR>
The view.</LI>
<LI>Why do men fart more than women?<BR>
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.</lI>
<LI>Why did cave men drag their women around by the hair?<BR>Because if you drag them around by the feet they fill up with dirt.</LI>
<LI>Why did god give men penises?<br>So we'd always have at least one way to shut a woman up!</LI>
<LI>What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick?<BR>You don't have to beg a woman to blow your paycheck.</LI>
<LI>How is a woman like a laxative?<BR>They both irritate the shit out of you.</LI>
<li>Why did God give women nipples?<br>To make suckers out of men.</LI>
<LI>What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig?<BR>
A woman that won't do what she's told.</LI>
<LI>Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?<BR>She was a woman.</lI>
<LI>What's the white stuff you find in women's panties?<BR>Clitty litter.</LI>
<LI>How do you know God meant for men to eat pussy?<BR>Why else would he make it look like a taco?</LI>
<LI>How do you know when you've eaten pussy well?<BR>
When you wake up in the morning and your face looks like a glazed doughnut.</LI>
<LI>What's it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waistdown? <bR>Marriage.</LI>
<LI>Why are hangovers better than women?<BR>Hangovers will go away.</LI>
<LI>What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for?  It's 
braille for "suck here".</LI>
<LI>How can a woman tell she is ugly?  Men only want to play dress
poker with her.</LI>
<LI>Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than to
improving their minds?  Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.</LI>
<LI>What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25
year old does not?  Her navel.</LI>
<LI>Why do men die before their wives?  They want to.</LI>
<LI>What do you call pulling off a woman's panty hose?  Foreplay.</LI>
<LI>Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?  He died laughing before he could tell anybody.</LI>
<LI>What s the difference between a woman with PMT and a pit bull? Lipstick.</LI>
<LI>How can you tell a macho women?  She rolls her own tampons.</LI>
<LI>Why is a woman like a dog turd?  The older it is, the easier it is
to pick up.</LI>
<LI>What's the difference between a woman and a toilet?  A toilet doesn't follow you around once you've used it.</LI>
<LI>What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine? Dump your
load in a washing machine and it won't follow you for 6 months.</LI>
<LI>What do an AIDS patient and the man you caught in bed with your wife have in common?  They've both fucked themselves to an early death.</LI>
<LI>How does a woman know that she is overweight?  She's lying at the beach and people from Greenpeace try to push her back into the sea.</LI>
<LI>How many men does it take to fix the vacuum cleaner??  Why the fuck should we fix it, we don't use the damn thing!</LI>
<LI>Why are women like screen doors?  Once they get banged a few times, they loosen up.</LI>
<LI>What's a wife?  An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done.</LI>
<LI>How do you make your wife scream for an hour after sex?  Wipe your dick on the curtains.</LI>
<LI>How do you make a woman scream twice?  Fuck her in the ass, then wipe your dick on the drapes.
<LI>What's the most active muscle in a woman?  The penis.
<LI>How do you tell if your woman is sexually aroused?  When you put your hand inside her panties it feels like a horse eating oats.
<LI>How are women like parking spaces?  The best ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped.
<LI>How are girls like rocks?  The flat ones are better to skip.
<LI>Why do women have tits?  So men will talk to them.
<LI>If you are having sex with TWO women and ONE more woman walks in, what do you have?  Hopefully an understanding wife.
<LI>What's the difference between a woman and a coffin?  You come in one and go in the other.
<LI>How do you make love to a fat chick?  Jerk off in your hand and throw it at her.
<LI>Why do women close their eyes during sex?  They can't stand to see a man having a good time.
<LI>What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?
Greenbacks.
<LI>What do you call a Playboy centrefold who's a lesbian? Bitch.
<LI>What do you call a woman who can suck an orange through a water hose?  Please.
<LI>Why do women skydivers wear tampons?  So they don't whistle on the way down.
<LI>How can you tell if a woman is really fat?  Her front door has
stretch marks.
<LI>How can you tell if a woman is really fat?  She goes to Japan, and the sumo wrestlers cower in fear.
<LI>How can a woman tell she is flat-chested?  She looks down her dress and the only bumps she sees are knees.
<LI>What are the three reasons that make anal sex better than vaginal sex?  It's warmer, it's tighter, and it's more degrading to the woman.
<LI>Why is a pussy like a warm toilet seat?  They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.
<LI>What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
<LI>What did King Kong say to Oprah Winfrey?  Is it in?
<LI>What's the smartest thing ever to come out of a woman's mouth?  Albert Einstein's dick.
<LI>Why are fat girls so much fun at country-western bars?  You can get them drunk and play the washboard on their chins.
<LI>Why do women have periods?
Because they deserve them.
<LI>Why did God make man first?
He didn't want to have a woman looking over his shoulder.
<LI>What do Kermit the Frog and Roseanne Barr's husband have in common?
They both enjoy fucking pigs.
<LI>What do you call that useless piece of skin around a pussy? A woman.
<LI>What's the definition of Male Chauvinist Pig?  A man who hates every bone in a woman's body--except his own.
<IL>What's the definition of a menstrual period?<BR>A bloody waste of fucking time.
<LI>If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?<BR>
Made her chain too long.
<LI>What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?<BR>
Lifting his legs while you vacuum. 
<LI>Why does it take five women with PMT to change a light bulb?<BR>
IT JUST FUCKING DOES ALRIGHT!!
<LI>Why did the woman cross the road?<BR>Who cares?  What the fuck's the bitch doing out of the kitchen?
<LI>How can you tell if a woman really likes oral sex?<BR>
She hikes up her skirt every time someone yawns.
<LI>How can you tell a woman has a huge ass?<BR>
You have to take a
mule to get to the bottom of her crack.
<LI>How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb?<BR>
None.  Let the bitch do it after she finishes the dishes.
<li>How many women does it take to change a light bulb?  None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.
<li>Why is a laundromat a bad place for a guy to pick up women? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
<li>How can a woman tell if her pussy really stinks?  A fly lands on it and throws up.
<li>What's love?  The delusion that one woman is different from another.
<LI>What should you do if your girlriend starts smoking?  Slow down.
And possibly use a lubricant.
<LI>What do you do when the dishwasher won't work?  SLAP THE BITCH.
<LI>Did you hear about Delta Burke's tragic suicide attempt?  She tried to harpoon herself.
<LI>Did you hear about the Nancy Kerrigan special at Kentucky Fried Chicken?  Two small breasts and a bruised thigh.<BR>
(Why is a woman like a KFC? After you have had the breasts and thighs there is a greasy box to stick your bone in.)
<LI>How can you tell if a woman is flat-chested?  She needs suspenders to hold up her bra.
<LI>What do you call a 300 pound woman?  Fat.
<LI>Why are cyclones/tornadoes usually named after women? Because what starts off as a small blow ends up taking half your house.
<LI>What do the TV shows Green Acres and Roseanne have in common?  A pig named Arnold.
<LI>What's Roseanne Barr's favourite sex toy?  Ben-Wa basketballs.
<LI>How can you tell a woman is really ugly?  A cannibal takes one look at her and orders a salad.
<LI>How can you tell your wife is really gross?  One day she doesn't wear underwear and the dog pukes.
<LI>How do you know a woman is too fat?  Young lovers try to carve their initials into her leg. (You need an ice pick to climb her).
<LI>How can you tell if a woman's cooking is really lousy? Natives from the Amazon come to dip their arrows in it.
<LI>Did you hear about the new feminine hygiene spray called SSY?
That's what you have left after you take the PU out of pussy.
<LI>Why do women have two holes?  So when they get drunk you can carry them like a six-pack.
<LI>How are clams like women?  When the red tide comes you don't eat them.
<LI>What's the difference between your wife and your job?  After five years your job will still suck.
<LI>Why did God create lesbians?  So feminists couldn't breed.
Lets hear it for God.
<LI>Why do women have belly buttons?  To hold your gum on the way down.
<LI>Why did the Army send so many women with PMT to the Persian Gulf?
They fought like irrational animals and retained water for four days.
<LI>Why is your aunt woman like a moped?  They're both fun to ride, but you wouldn't want your friends to see you on either.
<LI>Why can't you trust women?  How can you trust something that can bleed for five days and not die?
<LI>What's the best thing about a blowjob?  Ten minutes of silence.
<LI>How can you tell a woman is wearing pantyhose?  Her ankles swell up when she farts.
<LI>Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning? They don t have balls to scratch.
<LI>What do women and jelly have in common?  They both wiggle when you eat them. What's the difference? Red women taste like shit.
<LI>What's the difference between a women's athletics team and a clever tribe of pygmies?  Ones a bunch of cunning runts.
<LI>What's the definition of a woman?  A life support system for a pussy.
<LI>Why do women have legs?  So they won't leave snail tracks.
<LI>Why do women have arms?  Have you any idea how long it would take to LICK a bathroom clean?
<LI>What two things in the air can make a woman pregnant?  Her legs.
<LI>Did you hear about the new all female delivery service?  It s
called UPMS - they deliver whenever the fuck they feel like it.
<LI>What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced.